Bless me reader for I have sinned; it has been two months since my last blog. I am fairly certain that this kind of behaviour can have you excommunicated from the mumsnet blog network (there are obviously many other beauteous parenting blog networks around) to wander the wilds of the internet alone with the only hope of online interaction from a random DIY forum or a liked business page on facebook. Even my parents called me up today to whinge about the lack of blogging lately – and they only started texting circa 2009.
There are some reasons for being so crap. I’ve been busy, unwell with the most persistent cold in the world and lots of work stuff to do. But mostly I’ve just been feeling a bit sorry for myself. There has been a much diminished pool of bonhomie and I’m afraid that what I had I used up on my children, and so there was nothing left for you. It takes effort to do all the funny voices and comedy songs that get me and my children through the day (by the way any song that ends with the line ‘..and comes out of my bummy’ is a big success. It covers the essential toddler comedy basic – poo! and rhymes with tummy / yummy / scrummy etc making it easy to slot at the end of all food based musical rib ticklers. You can have that one – think of it as a make-up gift). Don’t feel too bad though, my husband got very little Happy Me either and I’m not sure what I can give him as a make-up gift – maybe a blowjob but then what would I get him for Christmas (only joking – obv it’s his birthday).
Lots of people blog for support and to share their problems – and that’s brilliant if it works for them. Whatever you need to get through the day is great. But when I feel shite I retire to my bed like a Victorian lady though I guess it’s unlikely she’d be watching New Girl on 4oD on her laptop. Personally I blog when I’m happy – yes I might be talking about the breastfeeding damage but it’s normally at the point when the nipples have just about starting talking to me again rather than when they are actually hanging off.
So from the fact I am blogging again you can take it that I am feeling much more myself. This has coincided with the return of Strictly. Don’t judge me too harshly. This is how reality TV used to be. When programmes like Faking it left everyone including the viewer feeling better about themselves rather than cheap and tawdry. It’s a joyful sparkly thing (well apart from Bruce – and no it’s not an age thing it’s a Bruce thing).
But the main thing that got me writing again – the thing that reminded me why I started this thing in the first place – is that my best friend just had a baby. I haven’t even seen him yet because she lives too far away but the fact he is here and the photo updates I get make me happy. That’s the wonderful thing about babies. Yes they cause a whole shitload of trouble, mess, noise and worry but they are also the most joyous and transformative thing you can do and life would be a whole lot more boring without them.
On a totally unrelated note I saw this the other day. No this is not the promotional poster for the next Saw movie – this is apparently entirely suitable for a child’s play centre. I’m not sure which bit I like the most? Maybe it’s the eye & mouth nipples, or the fact that bowel gets pointed out with its own extra special arrow. It could be the that they really, really? thought the groin was the best place to put the heart. But after careful consideration, I think that my favourite bit is that whoever made it, got just too confused about which eye to name so they just left both labels blank.