My blog posts are normally a little bit mental. But just to give you a little warning. Today could be bad. I am actually the tiredest person in the whole world. I keep getting distracted by my fluttering fingers on the keyboard. OOoooh! they are like butterfiles – before realising that actually they are making words that other people may read. This is not a good sign. The most infuriating thing about being sooo tired today – is that I cannot even blame it on my children.
When you become a parent you realise just how precious every hour of sleep is. Your children steal it from you with their temperatures, vomiting, leaking nappies and feeding all the time when they are small. Everyone tells you how tired you’ll be and yet it still manages to be a shock somehow.
This is why time becomes so precious to you. This is why most parents live on quality box sets of high end drama. You can’t waste time on crap reality TV anymore and then shuffle off to bed wondering how it got to be midnight. Now it is planned evenings – how quickly can we make a meal, which we’ll consume on our laps whilst watching something good but that can still have us in bed by 9.30 and asleep by ten latest. You are in this together (if you are partnered up of course – if you are a single parent then by my eyes you should obviously be receiving a sainthood and running the country which would mean less time for Homeland I grant you), this is teamwork, this is Operation Sleep.
And so when the precious few hours you get, are messed up by none other than either your own mind or your body. And your children are being angels snoozing away next door. It is frankly shit.
A lot of mothers get a period of mummy insomnia when the baby is around 4 months old. This is exceptionally annoying – as generally you’ve mostly got over the really awful bit. The baby is a bit less Quato from Total Recall ‘Quaid, Open your mind!’ and a little more bouncy, smiley and fun. They tend to go a little longer between feeds and therefore wake up less and yet you find yourself staring at the ceiling at 4 am in a little private hell that you have made for yourself.
Insomnia can rear it’s ugly head again when you go back to work. Tops! Just around the time you really need to be feeling not like a vegetable and have to remember how to talk to people, type and not fall over in public.
Last night I made the foolish error of going to a Mexican restaurant. I am allergic to peppers. So going to a Mexican is maybe not the wisest move – a little like a vegetarian going to an Argentinian steakhouse. But I was in a group and they wanted to go and generally most Mexicans have a steak and chips option or a child menu or something. But oh no! this was all authentic and classy. I got the waitress to check with the chef and everything about what I could eat. But still – massive burning stomach and vomiting all night – Woo hoo! It was actually a relief when my daughter woke up at 4 – at least I had some company for a few minutes. But you see, don’t these people realise what they have done. There will be no lie in to catch up on this. The sleep has gone and I will never get it back. I mourn for those seven hours.